I lasted barely an hour of part 4. I really don't like the drenched-in-neon look of the series, it makes what should be a dirty, brutal action fest just look too glossy. And I wasn't a fan of the action - John and opponent fist-length from each other plugging away with guns and never hitting anything. Nah. And Canoe just looks old and tired. I just got bored and didn't care what happened. It also bothers me that whenever an action film is reviewed, Johnny is the lazy go-to reference these days. It's as if the decades of action films we already have never existed.

Brooklyn 45. Real-time horror set almost entirely in one room and consisting for the most part of five people bickering. After the end of the war old military intelligence (yes, I know) pals gather for drinks to celebrate the first Hitler-free Christmas in years. The party atmosphere doesn't last long, of course. It's not bad, but despite potential for much spookiness in the story it's very dialogue-heavy and moments of horror are few and far between. The cast, none of whom I'd heard, do well with the themes of guilt and good old-fashioned Nazi paranoia. This was the first in our horror double bill, and it looks a lot better when compared with the second, which was

The Pope's Exorcist. (Full disclosure - this is a review of the first half only, as I went home long before the end, thankful it wasn't my Prime account that had paid to rent it). Russell Crowe does another accent. He's often come under fire for those, sometimes justifiably (I disagree with the flak he took for Robin Hood). This one is standard European, in which he plays an Italian priest. He'd probably have sounded the same if he'd played a Lithuanian chef or a Polish plumber, bless him. But even though he's still watchable, managing to inject some humour, it's sad that Russell Crowe doing another accent is the best thing about your spooky demon movie.

This is so cliche-ridden it hurts. A caption helpfully informs us that Rome is in Italy. Yes folks, this waste of memory card was made by people who don't expect their adult-aged audience to know which country Rome is in. Pope Django, whose speaking part is all religious exposition, sends his favourite exorcist (who of course delights in rubbing his superiors up the wrong way like every maverick cop/plumber/chef before him) to Spain to exorcise some kid or other. Some kid or other lives in a big dark house his mom (tv-soap level actress) has inherited and come all the way from America to renovate, also with sulky teenage daughter in tow. The warning bells deafened me at this point, as 'sulky American teen' is a dangerous trope that can sink a film (see The Whale) and this one spends her entire screen time sulking in crop top and shorts. There are cheap jump scares, of course - well, they tried but failed. And in time honoured tradition, like all possessed kids in this sort of film, the possessed kid does nothing but sit in bed all day waiting for a priest to turn up. Any demon worth its salt would be out in the Spanish countryside imploding sheep or at least drooling over its sister - but no, it sits in a bed just waiting for an exorcist to turn up. It can't even play on its Gameboy as this is set in the 80s. And when it speaks, it speaks in a voice that sounds like it smokes fifty untipped a day. Originality is not strong in this film.

And the kid. Ah, the kid. The moment he appears on screen - in the same scene that his sulky jailbait sister has her legs up on mom's dahboard - you can see why he got the part. If you look up 'pubescent goth' in the dictionary it'd say "see that kid in The Pope's Exorcist". He's all jet-black hair and sunken eyes and concave chest; you know that when pushy mom took him to audition they told all the other wannabes to go home. But it was all for nothing. Because even when swathed in shadow and covered in 'let's make him look like Linda Blair in that old movie' make-up, even when miming along to the demon voice (Finchy from The Office!) that's as badly scripted as everyone else in this, he's about as scary as the Milky Bar Kid. I made my excuses and left.

I've written much more about this that I had intended. Good thing I didn't watch it all or I might have been here all day!

Extraction 2. Hmmm. I quite liked the first one, but this has typical sequel-itis. "Let's ramp it up, so it's moooar!!". Boring and ridiculous. Watch "Nobody" and see how this kind of stuff is done properly.

Support Your Local Sherriff. Was flicking around on Prime and saw this was on there. Haven't seen it in years (and the Mrs had never seen it) so decided to give it a go. Great fun, and reminded me that James Garner was my first man-crush 😀

Posted by: @shteve

↑

Support Your Local Sherriff

That's great fun, and now I know it's on Prime I'll be giving it another look. I recently watched Garner in Grand Prix - on Le Mans weekend, since I don't subscribe to a channel I could watch it on. Mid-60s race drama with unrivalled authenticity in the whizzy car bits, but held together with soapy drama.

The Covenant. Or rather, Guy Ritchie's The Covenant, as he's now apparently important enough to be incorporated into his own titles. This one features Jake Gyllenhaal in Afghanistan rooting out, shooting and blowing up those Taliban scallywags; as a safe movie baddy you can do anything you want to them. Jake only stops shooting them when they shoot him back and he only has his Afghan interpreter to save him. It's the 'lost behind enemy lines' plot recycled again. But it's a decent enough, and often suspenseful, way to pass a couple of hours, and the two leads (Dar Salim in particular playing the stoic Afghan) are fine. It could have been a lot cheesier and gung-hoey than it is - or worse, could have had Vinnie Jones in it. If you're just in the mood to see stunt guys as Taliban being blown to bits, fill your boots. On Prime.

I've actually only just watched the trailer for (Guy Ritchie's) The Covenant and I'm glad I didn't watch it earlier. If you're interested, give the trailer a miss. It's one of those 'whole movie in 2 mins' jobs.

The Upside. Again a film on Amazon Prime. I wasn't sure what to expect of this, but it got good ratings. I had expected a manipulative tear jerker, but what I got was a great story of two people from differing backgrounds (Bryan Cranston, a paraplegic and Kevin Hart, his ex-con carer) developing a respect and friendship for each other. Perfect comedic moments and loads of heart. Thoroughly recommend.

I haven't seen The Upside but I'd heartily recommend Untouchable, the French film that it's a remake of.

Deep Blue Sea. Big-brained megasharks wreak havoc at a marine research facility. I'd seen it before and knew what I was letting myself in for, but I was just in the mood. Cgi that wasn't great over 20 years ago is pretty woeful now, and any suspense fizzles out whenever the cartoony beasts appear. Thomas Jane - who could easily have had another career as a Tom Hanks lookalike - does the job as the action lead. Saffron Burrows (top billed) proves that a posh accent is not the same as acting ability, and Samuel L. Jackson plays Samuel L. Jackson. Dumb, cheesy, ropey fun.